Renewal of my Journey

My anger, bad habits, and defeats are not me.

One thing that I need and many others should recognize is that who we are when we act bad shouldn't define us. This also counts the same for when we do good. Character is the sum of all our actions and thoughts not just one.
I am having a pretty good summer. Even though, I am not the ideal self nor do I have the accomplishments I wish to have achieved. I am accepting who am I the most right now. I also am building the boundaries that I have for others. I am a good person. I am smart, sweet, and worthy of respect.
We have to let go of the idea of perfection or even a strict black and white. As I have gotten older, no matter what, how I am is entirely up to me, and it never matters the situation I am in. The way I react to what is around me is entirely in my control. How I chose to make most of the opportunities around me really decides my future.
A good friend told me something I was astonished to finally understand. My parents and the people around me are very critical. I should feel mad sometimes. I also shouldn't let their critical words get to me because how they are is a reflection of their own inner wounds.
As I learn and grow, people that I am not accepting to hurt me will in fact hurt me. They might not be able to understand how I live and change, so they will react to it negatively. Yes my demographic and personality can limit my success and maybe even cause me harm if I try to do something. But I cannot live with fear because then I allow the continuity of marginalized thought and oppression that effects women and colored people. I have to continue on. Be it from my heart, soul, "signs", or even my thought.. whatever doors I reach and open for is a step for all those people.
I forgot that. I let laziness and fear limit my thought for so long. I let that society which breaks so many souls just get to me.
I had such a distressing past two years. There was fun, but I felt turmoil because I was not living the way I felt was right to me. I still don't think I do, but at the same time, the dips and failures I experienced really showed me the power I had.
I have the will to stand out, be loud, and do something just for the passion and not any other reason. I have the will to help someone just for their benefit.

I also found out the power of No. I exposed myself to so many things last year. I kind of learned that my life growing up is just one sliver of the human experience. By saying yes to so many peoples lives, I finally experienced the full need to say no! I cannot be around everyone. Even if I try to, some people just won't sit right with me. There are only a few that relish the same things I do. I know what I like and dislike a lot more now more than ever. 

This journey to self acceptance and being better is not over. What I find the most difficult thing now is myself. How to really start to change for the better is the challenge I am finding.